Editors’ note: Welcome to the second round of MoBach reviews and critiques. The people at The Mormon Bachelor are delighted to curb your right to free speech. We are delighted to encourage free speech. The freer, the better. Go, team!

Samantha Goodsell

Geoff: Oh goodie! More Temper Trap! They aren’t overplayed or anything. Can’t we leave that song to “500 Days of Summer,” where it belongs?

G: I can’t help but think that her name is very James Bondgirl-esque.

G: You dirtbag. You just want to do it all for the nookie.
A: A little action? Not even a thin veil.

G: I love Rick. Chili’s. Pure class.
A: Applebees ftw. Dang you rick, you’re killing my stock in the Bees.

G: Seriously, what romantic atmosphere. If only the Dundees were being held.

G: Oh man. This guy’s “English” accent is outstanding.
A: The classic peter pan shorts and glasses. That’s believable

G: Pretty funny thing to do on a date, though.
A: Has she done this before, she seems a step behind on the blocks, which as we all know in the pirate world, means she’s dead.

G: Good thing the blinds are shut. We can’t have people knowing what goes on in there.

G: Are they rehearsing in a converted living room?
A: LOL, and second date question of the night – “Do you see a future with Rick?”

G: Must we always use the soundtrack from “Pirates of the Caribbean”? Where’s the love for “Cutthroat Island”???
A: LOL, what a climactic kiss. Video was better than most, so props for that. And I’ll agree, great date idea, especially if you find yourself with a burgundy ballet studio and some swords on your hands and nothing to do.

G: Overwrought: adj. Extremely elaborate or ornate; overdone.

Melissa Lundquist

G: My girl, Melissa! Hot, sexy, single mums!
A: Not a possibility to get some kissin in that shirt my boy, dress for success I always say.

G: I may mock salon workers/stylists, but she’s got great hair.

G: Wow. She doesn’t want to seem to dance at all.
A: Haha, she would have none of that “romantic evening” jibber jabber.

G: You gotta read the writeup, but Rick took her to Javier’s, a Mexican place of sorts. I loathe Javier’s. My old boss made us all go down there when he was in town. It’s Mexican food, people. There’s no way to justify an $18 taco. Ever. Especially in SoCal where awesome, filthy taquerias are all over the place. Sorry, I just really hate Javier’s. In fact, read my review on Yelp!

G: This was shot on an iPhone, wasn’t it?
A: Obviously, thus the coloring that makes Rick look like a beet and her look like she’s buried in makeup. Thank that apple.

A: Hymns on the Piano… this normally works.

G: Rick totally wanted some lovin’ but she wasn’t budgin’.
A: “The personality of our relationship should be more physical…. my dad taught me that…. so uh… Melissa?”

A: Oh that shirt.

A: Also, I wonder how the child comes into play, is Rick down to be a dad right out the gate? Where are these questions people!?

Verdict:

Geoff: Hard to say. I think Sam stands a better chance (Rick stood up for her amidst all of the scrutiny after their first date), as they seem to click better, but I just like Melissa more; probably because she’s not six.

Al: Melissa, because I feel like Samantha is gaming the system. Melissa FTW