Editors’ note: For the next few weeks we’ll be critiquing dates on “The Mormon Bachelor.” The folks at MoBach heavily moderate their comments so that everything involves sunshine and rainbows, and we think that is dumb. This is dating, people! Not all of it works or is positive, and we shall address it as such. Your comments and thoughts – uncensored and unedited – are welcome, as always.

Samantha Andreasen

Geoff: I felt like they actually had Rick mic’d last time around. Guess that was a fluke.
Al: I like the sounds of the street.

G: Giving roses to the Bachelor, eh? Ballsy. I don’t suppose we’ll see an actual rose ceremony this time around, either. You have no idea how irked I was that I went to the “rose ceremony” party for the Bachelorette only to have nothing transpire.
A: Very ballsy, but roses and demands like “I want this back” always work out well.

G: Al, she’s from Cleveland. You love your Midwestern girls.
A: I’m against the sunglasses on my head while it’s dark out look. Makes you look… well a bit tacky. Midwest or not. And I do love me some midwest women.

G: Eh, the Kings. Sorry, Ducks fan here. And by fan, I mean someone who lives in the vicinity of the team and, therefore, pretends to care about hockey.
A: I love the date though, hockey games are awesome, and it’s won me hearts and destroyed potential relationships, these are amazing nights.

G: There’s nothing like hitting up Ralph’s (a Kroger grocery store for you out of market viewers) for dinner.

G: Dude! Great seats! She really does have the hookup.
A: Good work here! This girl is growing on me

G: Oh no she didn’t! Kiss cam! This girl wants it bad.
A: Awesome!! I’ve always wanted that to happen on a first date, how funny man! Kiss cam FTW!

G: Kiss fest! Forgive my French, but I think they were both just horny that night.
A: This never happens.

G: Love the recap video. By Rick’s logic, the more kisses he gets, the better the chance there is for a second date. Ergo. Sensual favors = advancement in the workplace. Sexual harassment!
Al: Sensual favors. Bwahahahha

Melanie Carney

G: Our last victim. We’ve come so far!
A: The beach is your favorite place on earth? They are nice, but it’s very sandy there. Sand is everywhere.

G: Hey Melanie, I live in DC, which is not 2000 miles from Buckeye land. I’m just sayin…
A: Hi Melanie, I happen to be through Columbus every now and then. No need to travel.

G: Speaking of Columbus – Al, she’s got to know one of your favorite YSA residents of Columbus. I think you and Rick need to tag team this one.
A: The CTR shirt is entertaining, I love that the camera girl laughed (Elton?)

A: This is a pretty sweet chick me thinks. Way to represent the midwest.

G: Awesome date idea. Anything to mess with Walmart is good in my book. She scores big points for creativity.
A: Dude, you see the booty slip rick was going for on the chair. That hand didn’t need to be there 😛

G: I’m pretty sure that’s Janna McFerson we can hear laughing as the camera person.
A: Ahhh, yes

G: I bet these pictures are going to turn out wonderfully, given the terrific lighting on the pier.
A: LOVE this date. That is actually really funny

G: I believe that technically they now have to buy all of those frames.
A: False.

G: Come on Rick! Mack her!
A: Hahhaha, he was totally wanting some lovin, bwahaha, way to be strong Melanie, way to be strong!

G: Good recap video. She seems like a sweetheart. Solid connection between the two, but will the distance ruin it? Decisions!
A: I got dibs if he doesn’t choose her.

Verdict:

Geoff: Well this is hard! Do we take the saucy minx from Cleveland or the feisty, clever one from Columbus? The battle for Ohio is not an easy one, but since Columbus is the capital of Ohio and also has a temple, it shall defeat sad Cleveland, which has nothing more than the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and a city that is steadily losing population every year and manages to set Major League Baseball records for lowest regular-season attendance per game. Poor Indians.

Also, I just like Melanie better, even if I hate the name. 😉 (Here’s to you, sis!)

Al: Melanie for sure. Love them midwest women. Geoff has no appreciation for fine things that aren’t a coast. Despite the fact that Sam(antha) chose my favorite date move of hockey, I still have to crown Melanie. What a run baby