Can we all assume this is with Jane and it’s just complicated because he’s still making out with random women?

Editors’ note: For the next few weeks we’ll be critiquing dates on “The Mormon Bachelor.” The folks at MoBach heavily moderate their comments so that everything involves sunshine and rainbows, and we think that is dumb. This is dating, people! Not all of it works or is positive, and we shall address it as such. Your comments and thoughts – uncensored and unedited – are welcome, as always.
Roxanne Truesdell
Al: Whoa, this is a side of Rick I don’t think I was ready for.
Geoff: I particularly love being able to see his garments wadded up in his closet. Keep it classy, MoBach producers.
A: I do like the mental pushups line… I’m gonna use that.
G: A, pomade. At least this is more humorous than most videos.
A: I feel like the hellos are getting more “jerry seinfeld – Hellllloooooo” esque.
G: Hahahahahah.
G: Dude, I feel like the whole time you can’t actually see this girl’s face. I had to watch the recap video to fully see what she looks like.
A: Great call on the Jazz club Roxanne, I give points for classy.
G: I didn’t think they had jazz in the 909, but Claremont is a pretty cool city. Definitely a great place to have a date.
A: At the table, I feel like they have the same laugh.
G: How dare you people ruin pure jazz by talking about Justin Timberlake concerts! GRRRRR!!! Go listen to your KIIS FM, Rick.
A: Oh this jazz bit, too good, and Rick danced with her. What a dear heart.
A: I like when buck tries to sound smart with his music knowledge.
G: It’s called improvisation. We study music theory. And practice. But at least Rick was close in knowing that it involves following chord progression.
A: He hugs for long time.
G: Rick: “Jazz music was perfect.” Roxanne: “I know.” Nothing like a classy, camel-esque gum-chewing moment during the farewell.
G: Ugh, watch the post-date interview. “Epic” is way too overused. Fail. Epic fail. Wait… dangit! I hate “fail,” too! “Roxanne is really cool, relaxed person; down for whatever.” Doesn’t want her. And while Jazz clubs are simple and fun, they are bloody expensive. I’ve had to rule them out for first dates because it just costs too much. Granted, this is coming from the guy who took a chick to Savers, so don’t listen to me.
Karen Hinkle
A: I like this one, she’s a doll face, and she chose Knott’s so I know Geoff is in love.
G: First off, yes on the dollface. Also, she’s tall. Awesome. Secondly, who cares about Knott’s? It’s Disneyland’s misguided second cousin.
A: This is Geoff’s woman, ladies, if you’re listening, Geoff will marry you on the first date if you take him to Knotts’.
G: Stop it! Take me to DisneySea in Tokyo and I’m yours.
G: Knott’s is super fun when it’s dead, though. Downside is that it’s pretty easy to ride everything in the park a few times in four hours on days like that.
A: Hand holding was there, and now it is not. I wonder what Rick tried to pull?
A: Oh wait, it’s back. I’m so confused.
G: Sometimes people hold hands and don’t hold them. That’s how relationships work, Al. It’s not all romance and cuddling the whole time. GOSH!
A: All of the south is offended by their poor accent.
G: Not a lot of dialogue, but they’re at a theme park, so that goes without saying.
G: Post-date interview: Rick – “What I like about Karen is… she’s really adventurous. Just an adventurous person; the stories she’s told, the things we’ve done here [at Knott’s]….” Yes, having the cojones to ride Sierra Sidewinder clearly denotes a WILDLY adventurous side. If anything, she seems reasonably prim and reserved.
G: Wait, Karen’s seen the MoBach before and makes no mention of MEEE????
G: I think Karen’s gotta be somewhere in her 30s.
G: Sorry to continue on, but the post-date interview in this one is the only place to really develop any sort of understanding of the two. I will say this, though: Karen thinks that Rick is showing his feelings and emotions by hand-holding. Hand-holding to Rick is clearly on par with hugging and saying hello to someone. He does it with just about everyone. It’s almost like he’s being polite.
Verdict:
A: I had to go to the post date interviews, but I think Karen wins this one, Buck is clearly jonesing the Karen Hinkle bit.
G: I couldn’t get much of a read on either woman from the dates due to the lack of dialogue or showcase of either of their personalities and/or interactions with Rick. That’s frustrating. How the devil am I supposed to properly judge, then? I’ll choose Roxanne just because I want Karen to remain single, for entirely selfish reasons.
Both: As an addendum, what’s up with the video editing this season? We know MoBach has various people shooting the dates and that’s it’s time-consuming to put all of it together, but they need a uniform standard.

Editors’ note: For the next few weeks we’ll be critiquing dates on “The Mormon Bachelor.” The folks at MoBach heavily moderate their comments so that everything involves sunshine and rainbows, and we think that is dumb. This is dating, people! Not all of it works or is positive, and we shall address it as such. Your comments and thoughts – uncensored and unedited – are welcome, as always.
Keri Murrey
Geoff: She seems like she has a good sense of humor, but I can tell you twenty seconds into this that things are not going anywhere else. Zero physical attraction on Rick’s end.
A:Again with the bukkman?
G: Way to ignore 90% of gun etiquette, Rick. Seriously, shooting guns on a first date? Well, Rick does live in the Inland Empire….
A: Nothing wrong with shooting guns on a first date Geoff, particularly if you’re from Missouri. But good choices on the targets
G: And now after a classy day of blowing through shells, let’s go to… The Old Spaghetti Factory! Decent food but, um, not exactly swinging for the fence, Keri. A quick visit to Yelp would have yielded something just a bit classier or out of the box.
A: Please Geoff, give the girl some credit, she just took the man shooting. That’s as original as it gets.
G: What’s up with the lack of dialogue? This season of MoBach started so strongly but now it’s back to montageville.
A: For Keri’s sake, I hope there was more dialogue than what we see here
G: For Rick at this point there are clearly “buddy,” fun dates, and those girls that actually tickle his fancy (see below). This one falls into the former category.
A: At what point? What girl has tickled his fancy? The disappointing thing is that on the fun dates Buck goes the gentleman route, and on the fancy ticklers he tries to kiss them. Rick, etiquite does not die just because you’re horny.
G: “If there was a second date.” Not happening. At all. Either way, following guns and shoddy pasta with karaoke isn’t exactly the gateway to romance, in my opinion. I do think that Rick genuinely enjoyed her company, though. There just wasn’t any sort of romantic connection.
A: Geoff, you’re a bumbling idiot when it comes to critiquing dates, didn’t you take aubrey to savers and a cheap persian dive? However, I agree, I don’t think there was much of a *ahem* connection (Rick didn’t try to jump her bones)
Samantha Goodsell
G: Here it is. Her submission video made me want to strangle her.
A: Oh gees, cranberries?
G: “I recognized you….from the video.” Hahaha
A: The arm and chest groping on Sam’s part was almost unnoticable, no?
G: Decent date idea, though, Sam (Can I call you Sam?). Men like options since they tend to like to be in charge. Either way, Rick is beguiled by the fact that she is easily the hottest Bachelorette to appear thus far.
A: The woman could have no personality and buck is gonna be all in, the man sees nothing but skin. And I disagree, I could care less about options, all I’m here for is the free meal (this quote is attributed to 75% of the dating women)
G: I love the awkward, hungry-early-into-a-date/my-blood-sugar-is-low conversation. Greatest. Conversation. Ever.
A: Medical conditions are best saved for date #2… fyi
G: Rick likes fun girls, and she’s fun. I also LOVE that she went to Scandia! If you haven’t been to Scandia, it’s, well, a very special place, mostly for people on fixed incomes or government assistance.
A: Who doesn’t love carnivals turned into parks?
G: This chick laughs at everything Rick does. No wonder he wants her. But in all honesty, she’s clearly fun and silly, and that works well for Rick.
A: I feel like she’s trying way way way too hard. Bucks funny, but seriously, she could pull it back just a skosh.
G: WTF at 3:42? Is he sniffing her? Hoping she’ll turn around for a kiss? Doing what he once did to a punk kid at Knott’s Scary Farm (ask me for the story).
A: If women don’t want to be smelled, they shouldn’t use scented shampoos, that’s what I say. – And let’s have the story Geoff?
G: And there it is. He just went for it. Smoochage. Great overuse of The Cranberries, too, I might add. Rick wants to bear her seed.
A: Rick should want her to bear his seed if he was smart. But alas, we’re finally to the soft core porn stage of the Bachelor franchise. And we only had to wait 6 dates.
G: It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. She’s clearly fun, young, and hot. Do you really need a better explanation about why this date went well? “She was pretty and she was energetic.” The key to reading Rick is noticing what truthiness he proclaims (the girl is hot), or how he stumbles through euphemism after euphemism to describe his feelings for the girl (“great person,” “I admire her”).
A: gig is up Buck, you’re trained to the looks. I blame orange county, the spittoon of superficial refuse. “She is pretty and energetic” – puh lease. you are 100% spot on Geoff.
G: Bumping boats – metaphor of the year?
A: Giggity
Verdict:
G: Duh. This one is like night and day. Sam takes the crown in a crushing victory over Keri. Take note future contestants – If you are fun and fortunate enough to also be hot, you can go places with dear Sir Buck. Unless some dreamy little minx shows up over the next few days, Sam is taking this one to the bank.
A: Sam clearly wins, but Buck, the girl can’t be what, 18 as of a week ago? Guys are idiots like that, you’ll go for the hot young girl with the looks, then break up 2 months later cause you just can’t connect. You’re like 10 years her senior, ugh. Sam, well played, if there were a million dollars at the end of this show, you’d be well on your way to winning the game and taking the cash.

Sarah vs Sara
Editors’ note: For the next few weeks we’ll be critiquing dates on “The Mormon Bachelor.” The folks at MoBach heavily moderate their comments so that everything involves sunshine and rainbows, and we think that is dumb. This is dating, people! Not all of it works or is positive, and we shall address it as such. Your comments and thoughts – uncensored and unedited – are welcome, as always.
First contestant is Sarah McDermott -
G: I don’t get how the date started at a house and finished at an apartment. Something’s fishy.
A: Excellent point Geoff, and the mistletoe on the front door seems a little … obvious?
A: Whatever that jumping thing is they were doing, that is the best first date idea thing I’ve ever seen.
G: I’ve met Sarah. She’s quite cool; probably too cool for Rick, to be honest. That’s not to disparage the Young Buck, but, well, it actually is to disparage the man. I lied. Regardless, I genuinely think Sarah is a winner on every level.
G: I love that the greatest “romance” from the date came from Rick awkwardly trying to see if something was in Sarah’s eye. I thought he was going to lean in with some cheesy line like, “no, but you have something right there,” while directing his eyes to her lips. Alas, we have been foiled because Rick has no hormones.
A: And the “You should go to the bathroom to clear that up” yeah, women love that.
G: I would normally say that in the wrap-up interview Rick seemed to struggle to find enthusiastic things to say, but having been a Bachelor myself, I know how awkward it is to be grilled on camera. It must especially be the case for his first of many dates. That said, they both seemed more pleasant than enthusiastic.
A: Sure, sure sure
G: Regardless, to be direct, I doubt Rick will choose Sarah for Round 2. And that’s OK. Not everyone needs to be a disciple of Buckman.
A: Agreed, this is the end of 99% of first dates that occur. Simply no chemistry.
Second contestant is Sara Foster -
Geoff: Sara is cute as a button. I loved her caching idea. Very creative. Well done. Sadly, the video spent too much time showing them on their quest. I got the idea 40 seconds in, folks! I didn’t need three minutes of it. Still, great idea. Kudos to Sara for that one.
A: She is lovely. Dibs if buck fails. Geocaching is stupid, but props for originality. Buck’s feigned excitement at the game is precious.
G: Also, Sara is young like unto a youth, which tends to be a very pro-Buck place to be.
A: sourpatch kids and hoodies, the girl has a certain charm.
G: One thing I wonder: Rick is the kind of guy to go after a chick that catches his eye. So if he knew Sara years ago, why did he not jump at the chance then? Hmm…
A: Because he was waiting for the dentist card to make his play.
G: I think Rick’s enthusiasm at the end of the date is quite genuine. Rick likes cute, adventurous girls, and the wee Foster gave him all of that in spades. Plus, she seemed to think the bloody Buckmobile thing was actually cute. *sigh*
A: I can’t believe we’re losing to this guy.
Verdict:
G: Sara Foster. The date with McDermott seemed pleasant and genial, but there appeared to be less genuine connection than with Foster. If that is an editing issue and not representative of what really happened, then we’ll never know the truth!
A: 100% Foster, she had a strong showing and though the physical contact was clearly absent, I suspect the buckmobile may earn it’s name yet.
Back in the early days of the LDS faith, as missionaries went and taught people the gospel, they did so using the standard six discussion format (these were the pre-Preach My Gospel days); and after the missionaries would finish teaching that good ole Englishman investigator (in my mind, early missionary efforts only included England), the final test of his faith was when the Englishman would be invited to leave his home and country, bid a tearful farewell to family and friends, pack up all his belongings and gather with the saints in Zion (a mobile Zion in the early years). This certainly would have been difficult, but new converts did it, and as the central body of the saints grew, people started recognizing the benefits of gathering with the saints. If one was single, he or she was suddenly around other single people with like beliefs. If one was interested in learning and growing academically, there was a diverse body of saints committed to help and serve at one’s disposal. This body had varied backgrounds and skill sets with which it could assist and educate. After a while, the wisdom in the call to gather became apparent.
Now let’s fast forward many years, to when the mission of the gathering of the saints has been fulfilled. The central body of saints had grown to a sizeable number and was now very well established. The financial comfort of the church was stable and growing, and there was a deep well of strong members in Utah from which the church could draw for leadership and other needs. Once this was accomplished, the church took note, and decreed, “Stop gathering in Utah – Stay in your home country.”
To the layman this is crazy talk! If I were a new convert, I wouldn’t want to stay in Poland, Antarctica, or Malta, where very few saints live and where living the gospel is more difficult, as opposed to going to where the Church is strong and developed. I would want to move to Utah as so many before me have, where the blessings will be poured out in such abundance there won’t be room enough to receive them (This sentiment is held by many members in foreign countries who continue to emigrate against the wishes of the Brethren)! But the decision is a wise one, as once we stop removing the saints from the weak parts of the vineyard, with time they will grow to be their own centers of strength, and the benefits of a central meeting place (i.e. – Utah) will be replicated, albeit on a smaller scale, in every location where there are saints to be had.
The previous example is a near-parallel comparison to the current scenario being played out within Church-owned schools and the Young Single Adult (YSA) crowd of the church. Let me lay it out for you:
The Church has established four institutions of higher education (four main ones) that are the established gathering places for YSA. If an individual comes home from a mission or gets to a point where he or she wants to go to college, the individual is faced with two options – stay home in Alabama, Nebraska, or London and be one of the very few YSA who have made a similar choice, or pack those bags, leave one’s home and country, bid farewell to loved ones and head to Utah where the strength of the single adults resides. For if this individual wanted to marry a fellow Mormon, grow his or her circle of peers who hold similar beliefs, and have a real shot at staying active through those temptation-ridden early- and mid-twenties, there was one choice, and that was to migrate for the winter of your life – also known as those YSA years. For a long time this gathering to Utah bit has worked well, particularly when someone was the only one in a particular age bracket in a home ward of Madison, Wisconsin. But I submit to you, my fine readers, that the day of the Utah-centric church has passed and the overlooked atrocity that is Church-owned schools needs to go the way of early-day immigration in the Church.
As time has passed, church membership has grown among YSAs to a number that is sufficient to allow us to put an end to the migration-centric mentality that permeates our demographic; meaning that if everyone chose their university based on merit and desire rather than dating opportunity and Mormon pride, we would all be allowed a great LDS experience with the same benefits currently sought by moving to Utah, right here in our very own local communities and schools (in the largest geographic lens I can put on it – think communities outside of Utah). We would have the same benefits of dating other LDS YSA, the Mormon groups of friends and so on, effectively fulfilling the instinctual needs that currently require a hajj to the Rockies.
Just think about the benefits! Imagine your dating pool is all people who are from your geographic region, or people who have chosen to be in that region, so you save yourself the silly “You’re from where? Ugh, I could never live there. You can move here!” conversations that currently permeate Mormon dating. Also, knowing that a social conversion is as important for a young single convert as a spiritual conversion, having a significant gathering of singles and well attended activities significantly improves the chances of people having an enjoyable experience at church/institute.
Just like immigration, Church schools have been useful for a time, but that time is passed and now we are just burning cash and impeding the goals of many of today’s YSA. Imagine if we took the money saved from running these massive academic institutions and instead spent that on institute programs and increased course offerings, the influence and benefit would reach far more than the 30,000 student capacity of BYU. There would be enough money left over to sponsor well planned and executed regional gatherings for singles, again magnifying the aforementioned positive effects for YSAs.
Some of the arguments against me are that we would lose out on significant PR advantages that come from the church owning a school, the exposure BYU athletics brings(for better or worse – seriously when was the last time we had a winning record that caused others to say “you BYU folks sure do have the work ethic and dedication it takes to win”), the exposure that graduating students going out into the workplace brings, and …. what else? When you consider the benefits and goals of the academic institutions I think you will find that it’s a big PR push that is waning. The novelty of the school has worn off and now it’s a bit of a cliché. It’s time to pump the best PR machines the church has, we young, able, ambitious, do-gooder people back into the world instead of gathering us into the valley’s of Utah. Beyond that, we can trade in the BYU stereotypes everyone has of us for a more grassroots exposure campaign.
“But wait Al, it offers education opportunities to those who wouldn’t normally get it … right?” Hogwash. If you’re international, the return-ability (returning to their home countries after graduation) of foreign students coming out of church schools is abysmal, and anyone who doesn’t recognize that is fooling themselves. And for us domestic folk, I don’t buy that for a second. If you stayed in state to go to school, you’re going to find similar state college opportunities at the sub-$5,000 a semester, and I promise you the gravity of that education will be greater than what BYU Idaho can offer you. Sure, you’re not going to Harvard on the cheap like you could go to BYU, but BYU is a far cry from Harvard, so don’t compare them as though they were the same thing. Lastly, sending some LDS professors into other institutions of learning would be a welcome reprieve from the absolute void that most universities have of LDS educators.
So that’s it, I think we should be done with the church-run schools. They were a huge help for many years, not to mention that many folks have found their testimonies while there, but the era has now passed. There is a quality education waiting at any number of institutions. The burden of being the sole provider of a good education to its members should be removed from the shoulders of the church. It’s time to start being the leaven for the whole loaf, and the only way that is going to really happen is when YSAs of the church are able to establish local roots and benefit communities outside of Mormon-heavy church school communities. President Monson … Tear down this proverbial wall … if you feel so inspired.
-Al
*Note – Please see Geoff’s rebuttal here.
Blessed be Señor Al! Le agradecemos sus esfuerzos durante todos estos años. ¡Feliz cumpleaños, amigo mío!
Or, since Al speaks the ol’ Ukraynskii - Mnohaja Lita!
And to celebrate Al’s birthday, we talk about gay marriage. Yep, Prop 8 got overturned on appeal. It’ll likely remain overturned on the next appeal. And then, depending on who is still alive on the Supreme Court by the time the case is heard, it will still likely remain overturned on that appeal. Yep, welcome to the new world order, friends.
But how does this pertain to other hot button issues, like polygamy? What’s to stop polygamists from marrying if gays are given the same right? We discuss, and also wonder how on earth polygamist “marriages” are cracked down on by the law, when the state doesn’t recognize them in the first place (i.e. – Isn’t it really just one dude who has a harem?). Playa! We get into this discussion because TLC (not those of CrazySexyCool fame) now has a new reality show following a real polygamist family. AWESOME.
The Church is sued to give back tithing funds which came from embezzled money. Not too controversial, since the Church doesn’t really want dirty money, but interesting, nontheless.
And we talk about horrible Mormon buzzwords, and what we can do to get rid of them.
Kyiv Ukraine Temple open house is now rolling. Al will give us a field report in coming weeks.
Lastly, our monthly check-in with the Zarahemla Times. You’re killing us, Beckstrom!
Links
- Prop 8 overturned.
- “Sister Wives,” TLC’s new amazing reality show
- Dirty tithing
- Buzzwords
- Google Wave is ending. How the heck will we plan our shows??
One of our greatest episodes ever!
Finally, we go through our investigative reporting segment, “Geoff Hits da Streetz,” and see what sort of information about Mormons Geoff got from the fine residents of Provo. What ostensibly started as smug satire actually turned out to be one of the most interesting and humbling experiences in recent memory.
The new mormon.org is an impressive effort by the Church to change the site from a controlled information source into a more open, user content-driven sort of LDS community. There are potential drawbacks to this, of course, but the new site is promising. Also, coupled with the launch of the new mormon.org is a story about online missionary efforts and how much the Church has invested in cyber proselytizing in recent years.
A gentleman has used regressions and algorithms to create predictions regarding who will be the President of the Church in the future. It’s all just for fun, but it’s a pretty impressive little project. Elder (or should we say, President) Bednar, we salute you!
Gilbert Temple on the rise! The final hurdles to its construction appear to be taken care of.
The Book of Mormon graphic novel. It’s real. And it’s spectacular.
And a game- yes, a game – based on Hagoth! You know, of Alma 63 fame. Be a builder of ships!
Seek and you shall find
The lost chapters of Mosiah – A BYU scholar argues that what is Mosiah 1 for us was actually Mosiah 3 for Joseph Smith. Martin Harris lost a bit more than the Book of Lehi, it seems.
Mormon imagery in pop culture, with a special nod to the Twilight series, as well as “Battlestar Galactica.” Neither of us have read Twilight or any of its sequels, but they are loaded with glaringly obvious allusions to LDS culture and doctrine.
Update on the Gilbert Arizona Temple. According to Church attorney Paul Gilbert (no, the temple is not named after him), the temple is “designed specifically for the setting it’s in, … the town of Gilbert.” Though, Brother Gilbert is also quick to point out that, “When I say Gilbert, I mean the general area. The temple serves more than just Gilbert.” Basically, the Gilbert Temple follows the same architectural motif of most other recent temples. Woo hoo!
Parents that want to be buddy-buddy with their kids cause binge drinking and other naughty activities. Again, Obviousonomics…
And last but certainly not least, make your Mormon name! Mormons, but especially Utah Mormons, have a tendency to eschew the idea of important family names for their children and instead opt for either random scriptural names or even more absurd made-up names. So go to the provided link and make your own Mormon name! It’s all in good fun. Please indulge us and post whatever your results are!
Links
Ronnie Lee Gardner executed. Blood atonement is not a doctrine of the LDS Church, Church spokesman says.
Utah politicians use some of the greatest political imagery every used. Are you a temple-going type of Utahan or a filthy capitol building-loving Utahan?
Ultimate Fighting gives up on a scheduled match in Salt Lake on a Sunday. Did they really think people would come to this? Funeral potatoes take too long to make, dude!
Amish and Polygamist fashion – the wave of the future
And some temple news!
Cheers to you all!
Take me to your leader
- No blood atonement, folks.
- Ronnie Lee Gardner takes one for the team
- UFC leaves Utah for greener pastures – San Diego
- Payson cuts the red tape
- Philly just does not want to let a temple happen
No more Mormon Doctrine! Deseret Book has decided to stop selling it after 50 years and more than 40 printings. A sad world, indeed.
Orkin religiously profiles – and the feds are now suing them for openly favoring LDS returned missionaries as employees.
Xenophobia in Arizona is now hurting missionary work. We find out why.
A new faux Church institution of higher education in Logandale, NV.
Hi. I’m in Logandale… (*shrugs*)
And your letters!
Follow Your Heart: